10 May 2012

this day, i met u for the first time after we broke up,,,,
seeing u there,,several things running on my mind,,,
i'm afraid that you still have your charm to get me fall for u again,,,
 yes, u still have it,,
wondering why you come again to my life after everything,,,,,

our meeting were gorgeous,,
loving u again seems the easy thing to do,, it isn't that hard to be fallin in love with u again
but, no,,,
i already compromise with my heart,, and i don't want to let it break for the second time

having you holding my hands after years,,, i can't tell you how i feel,,,
if only i don't have him in my life, i would let my feelin to you come again,,,
but no,,, i keep it in my mind n my head
i love you, i always do, and always will,,,

just keep it, in the friend zone,,,


butuh waktu yang gak sedikit buat bisa nahan rasa ini
butuh pukulan yang keras di kepala buat sadar, i wasn't that happy
butuh teriakan di kepala bahwa sekarang I have a beautiful life, i have a wonderful sunshine, and have a great friends that always standby me during the hardest part of my life,,,
and i dont want to let them go just for fallin back again to you,,,

maybe,, it's crazy to say,,,
my love for u is too big, loving you is the best part of my life,,,,
i just can't hate you,,,
because by loving you, i can let you go for your happiness,,,
i love to see you smiling at me,,,
so please just keep smiling at me, during your day, your life,,


tolong jalani hidup dengan bahagia, agar aku tahu,,,
pengorbananku untuk tidak mengejarmu kembali tidak sia-sia

again???

i've told you previously that I still can't breath without you....

I need sometimes to breath clearly without you,,,

i still learn to do it till now,,,

so why you keep chasing me,,,,

don't you know that it's only make me hurt?

please don't come to me,,

u already find you Mrs. Right while here I am still try to let my Mr.Right go from my mind,,,

please don't do this to me again,,,

not anymore,,,

not the same pain,,,,

not the same feeling,,,,

but how to make u understand???

just for My Hunny Bunny

Sorry of anything I did,,,,,

I just realize lately that i can't stand anymore seeing you around me,,,,

maaf,,,

it was the hardest thing to say after all,,,

seven years, that's enough for me,,,,

those memories killing me slowly, i have to keep far from you

just to make sure that i'm still think clearly,,

shit!!! still i can't hate you,,,

mungkin bila Q menemukan satu saja alasan, Q bisa melepas semua dengan tenang

merelakan,,,,

karena lebih mudah melupakanmu saat Q membencimu

tapi apapun yang Q lakukan, I still can't hate you,,,,

Q mencari keburukanmu, but still i love u

Q mencari kenangan terbaik Qta, still,,, it's killing me worse

i'm tired of lying to everyone, so I will say it clearly

Yes, i still love u no matter what

I never could hate you

and yes, i made mistake to let you go

but i know, by letting you go,,,, you will get happiness even though it brings sadness on me

so I never regret any thing we had,,,

but, i have to ask apologize

I have to leave you,,,

i need some space to leave without you around me and i still learn to breath without you

latter when i already breath freely, that time i'll be ready to smiling at you again,,,,

so i guess this is the final good bye,,,,

no more see u soon,,,

just good bye,,,

dizzy...

i don't know what came into my mind when i write this note.
some one could be very mad at me, if he read this story...
but, i just don't care bout it...

i just want to share my feelings,
and i want they could understand it.

it started by Mr. W who suddenly came back into my life again after the long....
long....
long.....
time......
it was really long time...
we lost each other i guess. he came on 2007, having a small chit chat with me...
talking about out past.. and Bum! we argued bout our status...
well I don't love him,(finally i realized it). It was just a crush, not more....
he felt upset and left....

now he back, Married to a such beautiful girl...
I'm happy for them...
but, i have a craziest thought in my mind....

what if i collect all of my ex boyfriends in my account??
well, i have 3 of them right now. which I can reach....
I just want to have such a good relationship with them,,,
because I never have a well broke up for each of them (for 6 guys?? :D)
I just want to have a nice friendship at least....
but it means that i have to contact Mr.S who really broke me down
and i still can't compromise with my anger to him...

well he was the one who I care the most, but I have a dizzy feeling every time i saw his face...
still keep my feeling for him. this feeling was mixed out with, love, care, anger, mad, and a huge of upset feeling....
so i will eliminate him on my list then...

(Q iki ngemeng opo sech? kok aneh tenan? ra nyambung blaz.... :D)

hmmm ternyata udah bisa lepas....

beberapa bulan yang lalu Q sempet benci, marah2, n caci maki mantanQ...
I do really hate him at that time... even though i broke with him for years ago...
i hate him because he just so over protective, posesif and selfish
i hate him just because I dont really think in clear mind

1. Q benci dia coz Q selalu tahu waktu dia mulai tertarik ma orang lain.. Q terlalu kenal dia luar dalam, itu masalahQ. tanpa dia sadar saat dia mulai jatuh cinta ma orang lain, dia gk pernah bisa berhenti berbicara tentang orang itu. dan I hate myself always be his ear to hear all off her story. he just didnt realize it...
2. i hate him coz he took away my life with my friends... i can't remember i have myown life without him... saat itu Q ngerasa okelah, toh dia juga sama Q ini gak kemana2. tapi hasilnya tetep ja dia bisa fallin in luv with other girls.
3. I hate him becoz setelah putus pun dia masih ngajak berantem, cuma gara2 dia gak bisa contact Q..... parah.... dia yang stress tuh telpon tengah malem, kayak gak da kerjaan laen. oke seandainya Q masih pacarnya dia rela dech Q begadang tengah malem cuma buat ngeladenin dia ngobrol... tapi nie q dah bukan siapa2na.. i have my own life to face. n dia seenakna gitu marah2 buset dah...

awalna membenci dia adalah jalan terbaik buat melupakan...
but i'm totally wrong!
semakin benci dia, semakin Q tahu ia dulu nyakitin Q, he just ruin whole my life...
semakin benci dia, semakin Q tahu Q masih mikirin dia, n menyimpan harapan dia masih care

now i'm trying to reverse hate with my love for him
i have to accept that he just not the one for me...
i just try to remember, I loved him...
i was feel happy with him.. so why i broke the good memory by cursing him?
kan dulu pernah sayang, itu yang ada dipikiranQ... toh Q yang minta putus karena tahu we can't go any further...
dulu sakit itu masih ada everytime i talk bout him.
tapi sekarang udah gak..
so kayakna Q dah lepas.....

do I still love him?

just wondering what happened with me lately....

wondering why i still thinking of him while he doesn't...
why it is still hurt if I see his picture, trying to figure out what is he doing now....

why it still hurt me?
while i know that he did something bad during our relationship...
well I know the answer, I still luv him somehow

he just give me the perfect definition of love
love doesnt always happy but it has hurt part...
love doesn't always unconditional, but it has something to change one condition
it could be has a happy ending n it has sad story beyond that...

does he know my feeling?
i dont think so...
i wish could meet him one day, just to give me a chance to tell him that he is the love of my life
but he just not the one for me...

just to let my feeling go
even though the memories do not follow it.

i still love you this day,
and I still wondering will it be last???